blissfully content

Just from reading old posts so much as changed since I was here last. My friends are different my church is different and I have the love of my life. Life is so good.

Im back who knows how long that will last lol

Things I’m thankful for

• My kick butt church
• My 4.0!
• A working car
• My amazingly awesome heavenly father
• My job
• My dance team
• My friends

• Heather Simpson
• April Murrel
• Ashley Strickland
• Blake Evan Davis
• Jordan Maddox
• Jake Downey
• Alyssa Powers
• Lindsay Cline
• Brandon Stagner
• Ashley Tyson
• Bailey Sharron

So this week should have sucked this week should have been the pits. Nope this week just keeps getting better.

1. Monday-the night before dads surgery. Hanging out with my family laughing until I cry. Falling asleep texting you.
2. Tuesday-the day OF my dads surgery. Get a call for a job interview, dad kicked butt through his surgery, I’m in a AMAZING mood all day.
3. Wednesday-the day dad comes home. Get up at 6:45, Coffee, Interview that I killed =), Check engine light comes on, register for classes, presentation, park,2 hour talk, movies, fall asleep texting you.
4. Thursday-just started. Woke up to a puppy, well a dog its a Yorkie she is 5 and currently asleep in my lap, and seeing you tonight!

I either have writers block or there is to much I want to say I haven’t figured out which one it is yet. I type a paragraph or two and then I erase it almost like I’m trying to erase the past couple of months. That would be nice wouldn’t it.. Well actually there are just parts I want to erase a lot has happened in three months. I have lost friendships I had for years but gained new ones that I feel will last just as long. I have been the farthest away from God I have ever been and now I am back in his loving arms. I have gone from being totally dependent on a guy to being independent again. In the past few months I have forgiven the one person I never thought I would be able to and I have broken down that wall I have kept up as long as I can remember. 

See so much has happened I don’t even know where to dive in. Let’s just start with Fall retreat that weekend was umm wow. This was back in September. Without even knowing what the topic was I signed up I mean it was with the House and I could go and see all my friends so of course I wanted to go. I admit God wasn’t the reason I went on that trip. Umm he made himself the reason by the end of the weekend. The retreat was on Conflict and Forgiveness but mainly forgiveness. Whether it was forgiveness of yourself for thing you hadn’t let yourself off the hook or forgiveness of other. Well me being me I had to work though both. The first night there I admitted I had some forgiveness problems I mean who forgives a mother that has just walked away right?

Little did I know that wasn’t really what God wanted me to deal with totally. There was another area in my life he really wanted to get out and I will admit I had a break though that weekend and forgave myself but when I got away from the retreat nothing changed I feel back in old habits. But this friday and then sunday God nicely reminded me if I want anything to change in my relationship with him I have to change the way I am acting. I have to stop saying I am a Christian and start having a relationship with my Lord. So thats where I am now, I’m actually going to start backing my actions up with words. Well this got of topic. 

Back to the birth mother thing. Saturday night at the retreat was awesome to say the least and I could feel God telling me it was time to let it go. So I did I hit my knees and started praying I forgave Gloria on the spot thats when the tears started i didn’t know it was possible to feel that kind of release from something like that. Then God said I’m not done. God was like I have something else I want you to forgive soo I did. I cried harder then then I did when I forgave Gloria. Well I’m back in the spot that I was in September needing to forgive myself. This time I don’t want to end up back here. This time I’m going to hold true to what I know.

Well since September I have found a ally in my battle it my church Jesus Reigns. My church has become really important to me. I can’t imagine going to another church the spirit is moving there in a way you wouldn’t believe you can see his power every Sunday and I want that power in me. The good news is the bible tells me I can have that power I just have to study and listen. The listening thing is usually what gets me in trouble. We were talking about that at bible study Friday. We have it at my best friends house, Heather, umm she is awesome she holds me accountable and doesn’t let me get away with a lot. Ashley my other friend its like God knew we would all need each other so he put us together. It is so nice to finally have a group of girls again I can’t explain it. 

I don’t know if any of this made sense at all. I think it was more stuff I needed to get off my chest, which is normally what happens when I write.